This is for the broken ones. To the ones who feel inadequate. To the ones who put up a fake smile ‘cos that is easier than answering the endless and generic “are you okay?”. This is for the ones who are on the verge of letting go.
I know that it has been one hell of a ride lately. There are far too many things happening all at once that you become trapped in this dark hole with no hint of a way out. It slowly took a toll on you and the burdens you are carrying on your shoulder started weighing you down, the bottled-up emotions are finally seeping through. Your relationships with the people around you is suffering… you started refusing invitations to go out and have fun – ‘cos fun is a word that is non-existent in your vocabulary for somewhere along the way, you have convinced yourself that with happiness comes pain. See, you never really liked yourself. You felt disgusted while looking at your reflection in the mirror. You stood there as you pinched your belly, your thighs, your love handles… as you stared at your face and pointed out everything that you wish you could change. You labeled yourself fat and ugly which is far from what you are. But there is something darker that is consuming your being… something deeper that goes beyond physical appearance… for our own mind is our greatest enemy. You’ve always considered yourself incapable of doing great things. You fail to see the goodness and the radiance that emanates from within you. You cried yourself to sleep at night and I know how it has crossed your mind that giving up is probably best than feeling all these complicated emotions that shatters your heart to a thousand pieces. But trust me, it’s not. And let me tell you this…
You have to stop second guessing yourself and letting the wrong people define your worth. If you can only take a step back and see yourself from a loved one’s eyes, you’ll be surprised to see just how exquisite you are. How much you brighten up their day with that quirky smile of yours. How you infect them with the laughter that you’ve always detested. How you make them happy just by existing in the same world they live in – under the same sky, breathing the same air.
There is beauty in the pain and hurting that gives you a different perspective in life. It makes you realize the importance of things, people and opportunities that you otherwise would have taken for granted. If not for the pain, you wouldn’t cherish the little things like a cup of perfectly blended hot cocoa on winter mornings or the soothing feeling of the cold wind caressing your skin on a hot, summer day. Can you just imagine not being able to experience all these and missing out on a lot of what could be precious memories?
And though there is nothing wrong with sitting in your pajamas all day and binge-watching Netflix once in a while, you should go out there and live your life as best as you could! Take that risk and go cliff jumping for the very first time and yes, it doesn’t have to be that extreme, just go do something outside of your comfort zone; you’ll feel invincible after doing so. Take that chance and tell someone how much they mean to you and no matter how it turns out, don’t ever beat yourself up. At least you wouldn’t have to live with regret, thinking of what ifs and what could have beens. Most importantly, tell yourself it is okay to let your guard down and allow people to get closer and have a glimpse of your vulnerability. This will teach you that those who stay beside you even for the bad times are the ones worthy of keeping around for the good.
So embrace the pain. Embrace the hurt. Embrace the fear. These are your strengths that are disguised as weaknesses. You are braver and stronger than you are giving yourself credit for – for each moment that you get out of bed and walk out of the front door is a battle won. And each battle won is a step closer to winning the raging war inside your head.
[HAIR] Doyeon by monso; [DRESS] Bette Dress Shirt by Blueberry; [EYESHADOW] rowena shadows by #adored at Skin Fair; [LIPSTICK] sucka lips lolli cherry edition by #adored at Whore Couture
[POSE] Lucid by FOXCITY
장성영 | Jang Sungyoung 